Why We Avoid the County Fair

Spring has sprung, and fair is in the air! But, you won’t find us patronizing this yearly staple for the following reasons.

Photo by Hannah Morgan on Unsplash

1. If we wanted to go back to high school, we’d literally go back to high school. It’s only 10 minutes away. We don’t need to feel like we are trying to compete in a popularity contest as grown women. Plus, we have nothing cute to wear.

2. It’s dirty. Like, so dirty.

3. Every once in a while, God tosses you a gigantic pot of gold, and this year it took the form of not one of our kids asking to go to the fair.

4. The food booth fantasies are no more. Ever ridden the tilt-a-whirl after nailing a turkey leg? Oof.

   

   Photo by Richard Cohen on Unsplash

5. $15 to get in plus $33 for a band that allows your precious spawn to ride as many rides as humanly possible, thereby increasing the odds that said spawn falls victim to a shoddy fair ride construction job? Forget about it.

6. We don’t need any more stuffed animals. And we don’t need to pay $64 trying to win a stuffed animal.

7. Who wants to park 37 rows deep from the entry point? It’s even more fun when you leave, dragging overtired young people and overpriced germy stuffed animals in your dirt road wake.

8. We overextended ourselves with youth extracurricular commitments and have absolutely no downtime available to prioritize a full day of family fun.

9. The livestock lost its appeal as our aging nostrils became ultra sensitive to smells. Also, neither of us have raised a prized pig to sell off to the butchers in an auction.

10. We aren’t keen on waking up to a child’s barf tornado at 2 AM because they ate one too many funnel cakes.

    

    Photo by Mollie Merritt on Unsplash

11. The ride ponies send us subliminal messages to aid in their escape plot and feeling helpless, we instead plop our crying three year old on top of them. Then we feel horrible as we take pictures of the unethical scene with plans to later share to our Instagram stories.

12. The final point speaks for itself:

    

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