Moms and Dads, Brace Yourselves for February 14
Our childhood love stories are your Valentine's Day warning signs
Look. We didn’t invent Valentine’s Day. We’re not sure we are supporters of it. It has certainly been “overdone” in today’s materialistic and stuff showboating culture. In the past, we’ve attempted to “do right” by our first borns with gestures of homemade chocolate-glazed donuts and pre-ordered Curious George Valentine’s books. As of late, we’ve come to our senses and plan to simply feed our children breakfast with a confirmed service of love attitude and perhaps a V-day themed friendship bracelet. The origins of this affection-stricken holiday are not well known (and by this, we mean by us), so let’s briefly review how it developed.
The story goes, Valentine’s Day was named after the public beheading of St. Valentine by Roman Emperor Claudius II on the date of February 14th. The Emperor had apparently outlawed marriages for members of the military, believing that soldiers performed better without the distractions of spouses and children. St. Valentine had secretly refused to stop performing wedding ceremonies for the military members who had fallen in love. The notion is quite romantic, albeit incorporated with sprays of fresh decapitation blood peppered into its historical roots.
And so, perhaps let us be reminded of the purpose of St. Valentine’s Day. Expressions of love in their various forms. In infancy, parents welcome babies into the world with a “Storge” love (one of the eight types of love, according to the ancient Greeks.) Unconditional and familial. Here, one is first cradled in the arms of another, receiving warmth and food and learning trust. Then, toddlerhood, when a child tests every boundary of their world in attempts to learn early independence while maintained in a safety net of parental guidance. Followed by childhood, where we gain initial understanding to an “Eros” sort of love— the romantic kind— when we steal glances and feign revulsion at our adults kissing or marvel at the television screen where two actors embrace passionately, envisioning ourselves frenching Ryan Gosling. But our true stage here is probably better aligned with the “Ludus” sort of love. Playful. Flirtatious. Awkward. And, we’ve taken the liberty to add in a verb that has been repurposed by the youth of today as a slang adjective: cringe.
Naturally, this leads us to recall a delicious variety of our childhood Ludus love stories. Growing up in a family of four children, there were a lot of them. Yes, we endlessly tease and remind the extended family of their existence at any time we best see fit. We thought it wise to proceed with documentation and sharing with the world here, too.
Bethany’s earliest recall of Valentine’s Day included a weird business deal of sorts while the family was living a short stint in Boise, Idaho. They had settled into a 3/2 home one block over from the public elementary school. She was seven years old and in the second grade, walking to and from school in a long black trench coat with accents of pink and purple. She recalls banding together with two other girls to recruit a total of three boys on the day preceding Valentine’s Day. Together, they entered a pact that the boys would each return to school with a respective Valentine’s gift. They would stand in front of the three girls with said offerings. Then, the cringe of deciding who would receive each gift took place. Bethany recalls snagging a glimpse of a clear-cased jewelry box that appeared to possibly have a cheap set of earrings in it and thinking to herself “I WANT THAT,” similar to the woman in the Napoleon Dynamite movie scene who is sitting at her kitchen table whilst hearing Uncle Rico’s 24 piece Tupperware set pitch, whispering to her husband that she covets the wooden ship replica he offers to throw in to close the deal. As an aside, Bethany’s ears were not yet even pierced.
Playful? Debatable. Flirtatious? It’s a stretch. Awkward and Cringe? Undeniably.
Kara herself had an interesting primal infatuation experience while living in the potato state. Legend has it, a young boy developed quite the crush on her and elected a substantially risky Valentine’s gesture in order to show his affections properly. He stole, not one, but two, of his mother’s priced pieces of jewelry and presented Kara with the hot necklace and bracelet during school recess. Kara, delighted by the fell-off-the-back-of-a-truck gifts, proudly brought them home to show off her prizes. Her mother Paula identified the gems as, at the very least, overdone, but more-than-likely lifted, and returned said items to their proper and relieved owner.
Playful? Somewhat. Flirtatious? Eh. Awkward and Cringe and Mildly Criminal? Yep.
Eventually, our family of six relocated to a small desert town out West, called Ridgecrest. At this point, we had developed a strong foundation of cringey Ludus-love like behavior, and we took advantage of the fresh landscape and new faces to build upon our knowledge base, as well as influence our younger siblings to follow suit.
Our sister Jenny wasted no time in making friends and attracting suitors. One particular young man was quite enraptured with her, and on February 14th of 1997, Andrew Jacobsen (last named changed for privacy purposes) reportedly made the trek via bicycle across town to deliver her a single, red, enchanted rose. As he approached our home with his beautiful blonde hair flowing in his two wheeler wake, Jenny swooned. Our mother remembers assessing his health post strenuous journey and remarks to this day that: “His little cheeks were so red!”
Playful? Yes. Flirtatious? Absolutely. Awkward and Cringe? Nope. 100% adorable? Yes, a thousand times yes.
It was in this same town that the love saga that was Juan Ramirez (last name changed for privacy purposes) and Bethany Samuels (maiden name) took place. Las Flores elementary school dirt recess yard was thee place to see and be seen. Many’a fifth grade “going outs” were confirmed, and crushed, here. Bethany and Juan were no exception. They solidified their togetherness ON Valentine’s Day (the poor chap) in the school yard. Following the bell that signified the end of the school day, Bethany walked home and awaited the planned phone call that was routine follow up to certify these sort of patched-together pairings within the confines of recess time as official. Per expectations, he rang her and notified her that a surprise was waiting in her courtyard. Surprised, Bethany peered outside through Kara’s window that faced the square outdoor space in the front of their home and spotted a heart shaped box of chocolates that had been placed on an old, plastic lawn chair. Suddenly, she felt suffocated. The relationship seemed to swerve sharply into serious-land. She rang him back (unbeknownst to her mother, who forbade calling boys) and jilted him.
In post break up lover’s day haze, she thought a touch of chocolate may help ease her distress. She ventured out into the courtyard to retrieve the heart shaped chocolate box. It was no where to be found. Later, she confirmed through mutual friends that Juan had confiscated said chocolates and eaten them. Side note: Our adult selves applaud the efforts, and also return gumption, of Juan here.
Playful? Sure. Flirtatious? In the beginning. Awkward and Cringe? Double yes, on Bethany’s part.
Finally, our brother Scott had his own Valentine woes at the behest of a strong and angry young woman. Having dated this girl for a few weeks prior to Valentine’s Day, Scott knew he needed to come through with a gift. He went big on this one. We mean literally. He and a friend found themselves at Walmart with the bright idea to buy for their respective girlfriends matching life-sized bears with red bow ties and heart-shaped tickers. Think of the spectacle created when the two young ladies toted these matching things around all day. Unfortunately, after drawing much attention, things went awry when Scott decided to break it off with his girlfriend later the same day. She tossed the gift at him, and home he drove in the “Road Warrior” Mustang with the massive snuggle cub riding shotgun.
Playful? Perhaps. Flirtatious? No. Awkward and Cringe? Oh yes.
These stories and countless others led some young men on our high school football team to tell our mother at one point: “If we like a girl around Valentine’s Day, we wait until afterwards to ask her out. That way, there’s less pressure.”
Less pressure, indeed.
Take it from us. If you are the parent to a child who has their eye on courting a young lady, perhaps encourage them to wait until after next week. If this isn’t possible, brace yourself for murky “cringe” waters ahead.
What is your favorite childhood Valentine’s Day story? Do you do the holiday up big now? Any alternative thoughts to the box of chocolates and bouquet of red roses? You know the drill: Let us know in the cawwwments!
my memories stem from my Dad who made sure we 3 daughters (little bro was a baby) had the MOST creative Valentine's day boxes to receive the cute cards and small treats from classmate's. I had a life size Robot once and a full large cardboard box pick up truck painted bright red!
otherwise just another day although I don't let my BF know that 😜😉😉
My super ex-boyfriend hated Valentine's Day, saying it was something Hallmark created. I told him that didn't let him off the hook; I wanted flowers. He begrudgingly complied. LOL. Great stories, ladies. xo