Looking Back on our 24 Changes for 2024
How did we do?
Our first post to ring in 2024 was 24 changes we were both going to try to implement. We knew we wouldn’t get them all, but we’d at least strive to achieve them. For our first post of 2025, we are reflecting on how well we did with each. Here they are:
If you think your friend is protecting you from something unpleasant, let them. We don’t need to know or dissect every little detail of our influences or interactions with other people. It is a good friend who doesn’t share everything with us when they know it is unhelpful.
B: I want to say, I did fairly well with this, and it’s extremely difficult (as a naturally curious person) to let things be. However, I also know that is sometimes the absolute best decision for healthy boundaries and relationships. I shall continue to practice this in the future.
K: I think I did pretty well with this also. I tend to ruminate, obsess even, over perceived slights. But this year, I let them go a lot easier. Who knows. A perceived slight might just be a friend protecting you. Even if it isn’t, is it worth the time and effort worrying about?
You really don’t need to take as many trips as you think you do. This sensation will also diminish as you spend less time on social media. Sure, it provides the ego a big, coz hug when we are invited to gatherings, and if it makes good sense to go (with our schedules and finances), then go. But don’t go because you have fear of missing out. Missing out is actually an evolving magic of its own in a learned way. When we miss out, opportunity for the future is invited.
B: Okay, we still took a lot of trips this year. Of this, I am guilty, but I do feel they were….intentionally chosen? One of the challenges in adult friendships is people move. And the ones we care to hold on to, we need to go see! Also, traveling is a passion of ours, like so many, as it provides new culture, food, and perspectives. This year’s trips were to Atlanta to visit friends, London and Leeds, England for a family experience (my husband was itching to see Leeds United play live in the flesh), Chicago for Kara’s 40th birthday celebration, Mont-Tremblant, Canada for a husband/wife trip/cardiology conference, Daytona beach for a quick beach weekend before the kids returned to school, a solo quick trip to Los Angeles to meet a best friend’s new baby, an early Thanksgiving celebration in Clyde, North Carolina with grandparents, and New York City with the family and Kara’s crew to take in the sites at Christmas and see the world famous Rockettes for the first time. There were also a handful of shorter trips within a 3 hour span of our location for soccer tournaments and family meet ups. Whew. I’m exhausted thinking about it. And, also, I feel very lucky.
K: I think I did pretty well with this one, but it may have been forced. We often couldn’t take trips to which we were invited because our daughter’s competitive soccer schedule didn’t allow it. We did take a number of trips though. We started the year off in Amelia Island to get away from the fumes of refinishing wood flooring (ugh!). We had several stints in Orlando; a trip with friends to the 30A area; an adult-only trip to Asheville and the Biltmore (pre-devastation); and of course the Chicago and NYC trips Bethany mentioned.
Less is more. Smaller conversations. More intimate connections. Less falsehood (social media).
B: I did well here with the exception of social media comedic scrolling – it got out of hand as the holidays neared and I felt myself stressing more than usual. I’ll be brutally honest and say I intentionally don’t watch most “social media friends’” stories. And I don’t typically seek out their pages to see what they’re up to. Not because I’m not interested. I’m very interested in what my close circle is up to, and I find that out the old fashioned way. (Texting/voice memos are the old fashioned way now =) I’m just not interested in the way acquaintance posts make me feel sometimes, so why allow that into the psyche?
K: I was way less active as far as posting on social media, but man oh man did I fall victim to doom scrolling for every DIY influencer and designer known to Insta. I vow to be better about this in the coming year.
Unsubscribe from your subscriptions you are not making use of.
B: Eh. Can I get back to you on that one? Also, don’t unsubscribe from us.
K: Yeah definitely don’t unsubscribe from us. We are free. I need to reevaluate the subscription thing also.
Bethany: Stop checking the price of Bitcoin (as much). / Kara: Stop going to Starbucks (as much).
B: Did better, but only because a widget was added to my google search page that tells me without further effort. Suppose that’s not actually an improvement.
K: Those of you who listen to our monthly unscripted convos know that I made a whole plan of this. I took every dollar saved by not going to Starbucks and invested it in my Schawb account in a low-cost total stock market index fund. I was testing the guru theory that a daily latte can make a difference in your finances. By the end of the year, I had more than $1,200. Unfortunately I’m still in the top 7% of customers (I had been top 2% the prior year), so there is more work to do. However, I’ve enjoyed watching the money grow and I really am showing up way less than before.
Bethany: I picked a “WOTY” (word of the year) for the first time. It is: Slower. Rushing through life with a sense of urgency only hastens the ending. I hate endings. So, why are we rushing the process? / Kara: No WOTY for me. I’m just trying to practice one of my mottos: words matter. Be careful how you use them.
B: My family would argue I was not “slower” based on the habit of screaming them out the door, but if I didn’t do that, would we ever get there?! There were moments such as swinging outside with my daughter, or having a conversation with my son in the car, where I actively worked to take our time and enjoy the moment before moving on to the next activity. I started the book “A Return to Love” by Marianne Williamson and find it very helpful for my spirituality.
K: It’s always good to be reminded that words matter. I tend to use them to cut when I’m angry. I’m trying to get better about this.
Bethany: Read more fiction. There is only so much real information we can gather before becoming boring. / Kara: I’ll give it a try. Skeptical.
B: I KNOW we both improved here – book club alone has required us to read four fiction books (one was even “magical,” gulp) in the past four months.
K: Yes, A+ for both of us here. I’ve never read so much fiction in my life as I did this year.
Watch more Saturday Night Live.
B: Nailed this one in the form of short views from my phone – my Google browser learned I love the skits and they are easily digestible as 3-4 minute videos at a time. My favorite will always be “Weekend Update.” Colin Jost and Michael Che are a dynamic duo.
K: I need more of this. I tend to watch the shorts Bethany sends but otherwise don’t watch even though I know I love it. My favorite short this year was “Nancy Grace” discussing the CEO killer.
Untether from our phones when at home. **Actively seeking advice on how to do this**
B: Complete and utter failure here. I’m not going to reignite this attempt this year. I am my kids’ social coordinator, too. It ain’t going away any time soon. However, just because I have to keep my phone close, does NOT dictate that I must answer every text, quickly, with accuracy and pure thought. That is the part I will work on.
K: Yeah I prefer not to talk about this one.
Stop uttering “What an a$$hole” to yourself about people in traffic. **Actively seeking advice on how to do this**
B: No one gave me advice on how to stop doing this so I’m still doing it. shrugs
K: Guilty. Bad.
Find more people that read books. Like, in real life.
B: Cue clapping! We both joined a book club and I feel fairly confident these people are actually reading the material…
K: Ditto.
Support your spouse/significant other in a new endeavor.
B: Did it! Wow, I’m gaining some momentum. The spouse has embarked on a men’s tennis league endeavor. He’s there right now. Swinging a racket.
K: Mine is toying with another half Ironman and if he decides to train for it, I’ll support that 100%.
Bethany: Reinvest interest in attempting home design. Finally put up wallpaper that sits in the closet. / Kara: Resist the temptation to renovate an entire (newly moved into) house in a week. Deep breaths. Patience. Less doom scrolling to find the perfect set up. More enjoying the current layout.
B: Kara finally put up my wallpaper! She did a beautiful job. I watched and provided commentary, so can’t take that credit. I did, however, help a tad with our “dog room” project. My spouse put up beautiful sliding doors to hide our hodge-podge shelving (think inventory closet that didn’t have cabinet doors). I assisted with shelving and family art canvas placements. Also, after watching the Martha Stewart documentary during Christmas break when I inherited my son’s raging cause of Influenza A, I woke up the next day still flu-ish and rearranged our kitchen table/tequila box furniture. Small steps.
K: I’ve already admitted I’m plain guilty of doom scrolling. We took on A LOT of projects this year, mostly at my urging, so I’m basically a failure altogether on this one. However, we are enjoying our new family room, new powder bath, new dining room, new workout room, new entryway, and beautiful backyard. Still lots to do but I vow to have more patience.
Stop taking things personally that have nothing to do with you. Or, if you do (because you are human), laugh about it later as you remind yourself, “Wow, we think we are pretty special, don’t we?”
B: But don’t they sometimes, maybe, have something small to do with us? Okay, I will do some work here…
K: see #1 for how I did with this one.
Bethany: Read or meditate on something spiritual on a consistent basis. / Kara: Will you teach me how to meditate?
B: I’ll give myself a D-. This was not a total failure, as sometimes I open my Richard Rohr “Center for Action and Contemplation” e-mails and (a re-reference) am reading Marianne Williamson’s spiritual book now. I also paid close attention during the nativity scene at the Rockette’s show. The camels were ginormous.
K: Still waiting for you to teach me how to meditate!
Serve the writing/reading community better. Our content often feels rushed (see “WOTY”) due to the chaotic nature of our current season of life raising many littles. Bethany used to get up at 4:30 AM to read and write. The body is revolting that idea but maybe it’ll change in the future… Kara would never dream of getting up at 4:30 AM for any reason, but she will be better about carving out real writing time.
B: Eh – Self cringe here a bit because I’m not sure there’s been much of a growth. However, we have maintained. And that feels like something. Also, I got up once this year for a 5 AM gym class and it took weeks to recover, so… yeah.
K: Agreed. We have a big writing project we are looking to take on this year though and I’m hopeful we get off our good intentions and dive in!
Be inclusive with your words, selective with your relationships.
B: I feel pretty good about this one.
K: Same.
Sit still in our children’s comments before responding.
B: I feel pretty bad about this one.
K: Same.
Bethany: You don’t need any more Stanley water mugs. / Kara: But there’s a new color…. / Bethany (response): Send me the link.
B: No more forty ounce Stans for me! I did buy a few ornaments but that’s where it ended.
K: I bought one for my daughter but I think I made her use her allowance money? Not bad.
Dry January is always a good idea. Dry any month is always a good idea. But even if you don’t take a whole month off, try to be more mindful about it all.
B: Agree, 2024 Bethany, agree. Reassessment and rebooting is a good thing.
K: Actively thinking about this.
Reject the notion that striving to improve your personal life is selfish or not thinking “large” enough — when we progress, so does who and what we influence and that does ripple into contributing to the greater good. Remember, it starts at home.
B: Okay, Mom. I will keep this in mind.
K: *Breathes deep*
Bethany: Eat more homemade ramen bowls. We just tried the Sun Noodle variety, courtesy of a friend, and WOW. / Kara: Be more helpful in the kitchen (i.e. “domesticated”).
B: We ate delicious ramen bowls from Itto Ramen Bar & Tapas in Asheville, NC and from Kin Ramen in Manhattan, NY but homemade? No.
K: I feel I made great strides in the kitchen but I’m not sure my spouse would agree.
Bethany: Avoid buying another pair of glitter pants. The aftermath remains on your furniture, the dog’s nose, your eyelashes, your mother-in-law’s sweater, everywhere. / Kara: But they were so cute!
B: I nixed the glitter this year and went with a flirty sequined top from Zara – I think I speak for the staff at Nobu when I say it was the better choice.
K: That top was hot!
Bethany: Mimic your adorable little girl when manifesting positive vibes for a not-so-thrilling task: “IT GUNNA BE SO FUN!!” / Kara: Isn’t that something? If we could try to have half as much enthusiasm as our toddlers, all tasks would be fun!
B: Need major improvement here – It doesn’t come naturally and I have a low patience threshold. I just started following the “Michael Jordan of babysitting” on Instagram. She’s a woman who used to babysit like a pro and has tons of fantastic examples on how to redirect children and turn mundane tasks into fun. Her handle is chelsea_explains
K: I’m terrible about the mundane tasks. However, I resolved to do the dishes every night and to make it as fun as possible. I put on Ella Fitzgerald and have a drink of choice and it’s actually quite enjoyable. Need to think of other ways to make the chores enjoyable. It does help that my little guy loves to help Mommy with any chore imaginable.
Aaaaaand for our 2025 addition: Do and say kind things, for and to people that you know and don’t know. Do them, regardless of the outcome, appreciation, or lack thereof. Do them often.
Which of our improvements (or lack thereof) resonant most with you?
What are you nixing in 2025? What are you holding on to?
Happy New Year, dear Knockers!
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So good. I have to say I identify with 3, 10, and 14 particularly. Well done!
As a sidenote, I have no idea if this is helpful or even the right thing to say for somebody who’s trying to cut back on something, but, while I’m a cheapskate when it comes to coffee, my daughter works at Starbucks, and they are paying her way through her undergraduate degree. So we very much appreciate the patronage :-).
Y’all Knocked this one out of the park. Looking forward to more great stories. Happy New year❤️🙏🏻