From Us to You

A love letter to all mothering figures

Today is that sacred day—a day for the moms.

It’s always been special, but boy has it been distorted by social media throughout the years. Our feeds are full of shiny pictures of beautifully-posed families, tags at the fanciest spa in town, and posts by moms who must have a doctorate degree in self-restraint as they descriptively explain everything they love about being a mother but nothing they don’t.

We aren’t claiming any of this is “wrong.” Heck, we’ve done some of it.

More important than how others view us, though, is being true to ourselves.

As we think about the mothering figures in our own lives, we most value the women who hold space for others’ opinions. They listen to our ideas and they care about our trials and they support us through it all no matter what.

Biological mothers. Inherited mothers. See-the-bigger-picture mothers. Moms who make you laugh. Moms who are liberal with spending. Moms who walk and talk after dinner. Moms who make you pee with text responses. Moms who say, “Let’s get a new dress and shoes” for a special occasion. Moms who have their nose stuck in a book. Moms who always have a quiet project of helping someone in need.  Hard-working, practical moms.

These women aren’t all “mothers” in the traditional sense. But with their unique talents and boldly beautiful intellects, they’ve taught us this:

All women MOTHER others.

So on this special day, we’ve compiled a list of women for whom we have the deepest gratitude and who mother us all in some respect.

Thank you first to our one true and beautiful mom, the one who forever roots for us. Who taught us how to be fiercely independent and how to stand on our own two feet. But who also taught us being a wife and mother is a beautiful thing; that independence and having a family are not mutually exclusive.   

To our mother-in-laws, who gifted us with partners who value women, share in the duties of the household, and support us when we work outside of it.

To the moms who make the difficult decision to leave the paid workforce and work at home with their children. Your plights are unique and complicated and you give freely of yourself Every. Single. Day.

To the moms who anguished over returning to work, then anguished over decreasing to part time and who still anguish over the tug-of-war position they sometimes find themselves in, wondering what is best for their family. We see you.

To the moms who work outside the home full time, because they want to . . . or because they have to. The ones who are always racing to beat traffic for pick up time, who never remember “purple shirt day,” but who diligently contribute to their child’s education account, taking pride that it came from their specific income.

To the women who are grateful for the present, but discontent in an unchanged future.

To the caregivers of our daycare toddlers, who scoop up our children after scrapes on the playground, let them climb into their laps during book time, and feed them Nilla wafers with love.

To the women who stepped in when a child needed them to be there.

To the new mother who is navigating unknown territory through pain and exhaustion.

To the neighbor who watches over the children playing in the yard.

To the fourth grade teacher who notices the pain in your eyes and addresses it head on, and the first grade teacher who takes the time to send you pictures of your child gleefully learning and playing.

To the sister who places her hands on your back and allows you to cry loudly when life just scared the courage out of you, and who brings you Gatorade and takes the kids to school when you are sick.

To the friend who will have the hard conversations, who will tell you when you mess up.

To the pal who can always be counted on to make you laugh at dinner and, more importantly, to care.

To the nurse hallway buddy, who points you to the break room to collect yourself without saying a word, caring for your patients while you have a moment.

To the colleague who leaves goodies on your chair or in your fridge.

To the work friend who has no, and wants no, children but delights in yours.

To the spouse who finds herself, overnight, in the position of primary caregiver of a loved one.

To the woman who sends you a card when you lose your dog of thirteen years.

To the friend who throws the most delightful holiday parties and always ensures your children leave with thoughtful gifts.

To the woman who walks the beach with you, providing validation you didn’t realize you so desperately needed.

To the grandmother who wrote you snail mail letters asking, “Do you have any lovers in your life?” and was constantly reminding you that you made her proud.

To the aunt who points out there is always something to look forward to.

To the great-grandmother who exemplifies the most pleasant manner in which to answer the telephone.

To the retiree who spends her precious time making beautiful quilts and blankets for children she hardly knows.

To the labor and delivery nurse, who frequently supports a new mother saying hello, and more rarely, saying goodbye, to her new baby.

To the hospice nurse, who assists a mother passing away.

To the doctor who cares so deeply, she invites you to exercise class, and then spends hours after each class teaching you all the things you never knew you needed to hear.

To the writer who bares her stories.

To the artist who dares to create.

To the mother who wants her day to herself, and boldly takes it.

To the mother who wants to be coated with children throughout her day, and ensures it.

To the mother who wants some combination of the above, and doesn’t apologize for it.

To the woman who is starting over, yet again.

To the one who does the inner work to heal herself and put an end to inflicting pain on others.

To the mothering that occurs in the tiny morsels of everyday time.

We lower our heads in reverence for you all. You perform a mothering to the world that is unsurpassed. It is essential, whether or not it is noticed.

On this Mother’s Day, let us allow ourselves to feel all the emotions, use them, and inspire one another with our words and actions.

Above all else:

God bless the mothering that lifts up our fellow womankind.

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**This is an adaptation of a piece originally written by Bethany Bell and appearing on Elephant Journal on May 7, 2020.