Dentist Involves Boomer Father in Patient’s Care

Dad is to monitor adult daughter’s Invisalign progress and report failings

Contractual Agreement for Boomer Father

Re: Elder Millennial Daughter’s New Mouth Aligners

Dear Sir,

Congratulations! At the age of 40, your middle daughter has just received her first set of invisible aligners for the teeth you previously paid to straighten in the years 1997 through 1999. Said “invisaligners” will now be a large part of your daughter’s existence for approximately 2 years and will deplete about 60% of the available funds in her HSA.

We need your help with this.

Due to the extent of the invisaligner commitment, the dental office of Dr. Stuart Price kindly requests your assistance to aid in your daughter’s success.

She will be required to wear said aligners for 22 hours of each day. She is to brush her teeth every time she eats or takes a sip of anything that is not water before placing the aligners directly back in her mouth. This means, for starters, that when she retrieves your grandspawn from a hangout with grandma and grandpa, any and all snacks, candy, ice cream, soda, and libations must be securely locked away.

You will also be required to hold her accountable on a daily basis. We will install the aligner app to your trackphone and confirm your check-ins through an automated data upload system. Don’t worry, the system is secure, and we never sell your data. Should you be a boomer who refuses to download an app, fear not, we will send you a secure link to sign up for access to the portal which will accomplish the same thing. You’ll simply need a username (10 character minimum) and a password (24 characters, 3 capital letters, 4 symbols, 3 numbers).

Should your adult daughter fall behind on her progress, an alert will be sent to your phone, as well as to your home in the form of a person at your doorstep. Do not be alarmed, as this is a guardrail we have put in place so she does not fail this process a second time. If you receive an alert and/or a human messenger, you’ll need to get in your F-150 and drive down the road to her house to have a face-to-face conversation about her failings.

We will be notified if you fall short of this requirement. Dr. Stuart Price will be placing an “adapter” on your left lateral incisor tooth, as he has already done to your daughter. Although she was assured this is not a live monitoring tracking device, it actually is, and her data was sold prior to its collection and has already traveled across the pond ten times over (this is how we take every Friday off :) Please simply click the link at the bottom of this email to schedule your adapter placement via a concierge appointment.

Sir, your daughter has proven once that she did not have the sort of self motivation to hold herself accountable. We are confident that between the passage of time and your current assistance, she can finally succeed. We thank you in advance for your cooperation.

This is considered a legally binding contract that will be referenced frequently. Damages for breach will include a 40-year-old daughter who blew thousands for no reason and potential dismissal from our practice.

Please sign below to indicate your acceptance of these terms and secondary responsibility for this endeavor.

_______________________________

Aligner’s Father

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