Costco
Where practicality meets paradise for the modern suburban family
When we were growing up in California, we lived in a sleepy desert town about an hour and a half away from any real civilized society. Sure, we had a Walmart for essentials and a Mervyns for style. But that’s about it. If we wanted to stock up the wholesale way for our family of six, we would need to pile in the Blue GMC Suburban and hit CA-14 southbound to Costco in Lancaster.
When we arrived at Costco after a 90-minute trek, we’d be slightly dehydrated and always hungry. The dehydration was by design—how else do you get four kids between the ages of three and ten to travel 84 miles in any reasonable amount of time? The hunger was a natural consequence of no liquids to the wash down snacks-but also-we needed to save our appetites for all those samples.
Costco was the ultimate experience as a kid (and still is, as an adult, albeit with altered motivations). With Dad in the lead and Mom at the caboose (purposely distancing herself), we’d hit every single sample station before nailing some pizza or hotdogs from the food court, whatever felt right. The undertones: You kids WILL fill up on samples.
Crackers with random dip in hand, the four children would peruse aisle by aisle, remarking on the sheer volume of product. We took turns asking Mom to purchase offensively large Red Vines canisters, and if that was successful, the next child would sub in to request a giant vat of cheeseballs to make it home. These sale pitches were obviously for the free entertainment as we watched one another plead our cases, and because Mom was an easy mark, a sweetheart, we’d smile triumphantly as we placed our winnings into the cart. But, when we scored something like a crate of 380 freezer pops, there was pure excitement. Think of the possibilities…
We recall being slightly confused as kids that we obtained our food from the same store that sold Dad his prized Big Bertha golf club. But hey, the place just seemed to understand all our needs and fulfill them.
As we grew up (somewhat), Costco made its way back into our repertoire. Both Kara and Bethany hold memberships there, since 2018 and 2017 respectively. Costco Connection, the monthly magazine, is a staple in our homes. We both follow @costco_doesitagain on Instagram, in which the account owner reveals the latest and greatest store picks. We’ve found ourselves in the exact same pairs of lounging shorts, bought unbeknownst to one another, from Costco. While we don’t yet sport “Kirkland Signature” T-shirts, we aren’t foreclosing the possibility.
Where else can you contemplate a double bralette purchase just prior to examining the smooth surface of a nine-piece dining room set? Can you honestly say you know of a store that offers you an engagement ring and $14 men’s joggers within an arm span of one another? Does your store offer you the ability to try a delicious pupusa while shopping for tires or waiting for an eye exam? Costco carries three pounds of kiwi for $7.14 and three varieties of women’s day dresses (all under $25). Choose your trifecta.
Sure, this vast array of items and services means that you will sometimes find yourself in possession of things you never knew you wanted, and certainly don’t need. Like a giant jar of pickles that takes up way too much precious space. Or a 20-pound bag of rice still sitting in Kara’s pantry, untouched. But these expenditures are cancelled out by all the pure goodness you find at basement bargain prices.
Bethany’s family staples at Costco, in no order of priority:
Diapers
Baby Wipes
Detergents/Soaps of all varieties
Fruit
Protein to freeze (fish, tofu, beef, chicken)
Blocks of cheese
TortillaLand tortillas (if you have not, try these, incredible, and you can freeze them)
Sparkling water “fizzle”
Coffee beans
Almond milk
Random pair of shoes
Nuts
Protein bars
SNACKS, SNACKS, SNACKS, SNACKS, SNACKS
Kara’s family staples are essentially all items above minus tofu.
Beyond the staples, it’s like Costco knows our innermost desires. Just this week, in the mom/sisters text thread, Kara announced that she had selected the theme of her annual Halloween party. It would be… drum roll please… Micky & Minnie’s Not So Scary Halloween Spectacular! If you read Kara’s previous piece on her time as an unwitting Disney pass holder, this choice could surprise you. But, her toddler is super into Mickey at present time and so the whole family, including Kara’s older daughter, are kindly appeasing the little guy’s interests.
Kara tends to begin party prep a touch earlier each year (like, now) and already began joking about solidifying “craft days” on our calendars. (Spoiler: this wasn’t a joke. We sincerely hope Jenny is ready to make balloon arches. We need those fingers!)
Wouldn’t you know it, as Bethany began this week’s Costco run after an Orange Theory workout (not entirely needed but for the readers of Knock it Off, she’ll deliver!) and entered the store at opening time, what did she discover? Why, a fresh Halloween section, complete with costumes for the sub 5-footer in your life and a 12-piece Mickey and Minnie Halloween decoration set!
She filmed the finding, sent it to Kara, and moved on with her shopping “list.” As Kara caught up on the incoming feed, she exclaimed “Omg I seriously want this 12 piece set bad. Like it’s beyond perfect for me.”
It’s not like Kara to forgo commas. The excitement was palpable.
Bethany realized Costco had done it again. She inquired as to whether she should grab the set, as these babies fly off the shelves quick. Kara’s response got lost in the “reply” portion of the text thread amidst Bethany’s continued live session clips rolling in. As she rounded the corner to the self check out zone (the only area open at that time of day), a man gestured for her to move forward.
Internal crisis ensued. No line. She’d be a fool, A FOOL, to pass this opportunity up. But, still no 12-piece set in her cart. Quickly, as fast as her fingers could muster, she reached for the sister thread.
“Grab Disney set or no? Quick!!”
“HARD YES” came the record time response.
Bethany blinked at the check out man.
“Can I run and grab something super quick?”
His words said yes but his body language was a HARD NO.
“I better really run” she thought as she pivoted her way around the nut clusters, dashed past the fig bars, gave a second quick glance at the Mandolorian costumes and skidded to a stop in front of the Mickey Halloween set. As she hoisted it into the air, the weight of Disney pressurizing her recently strained pectoral region, she began the wayward journey back to the check out line.
She saw the man scanning the final item in her cart — chicken panini sliders (late night salty snack for “Only Murders in the Building” munching) — and approached him haphazardly, item in tow. She said no words, and he asked of none. She placed the set in the bottom of her cart, smoothed her hair back into the messy bun that is her life, swiped her card, and strolled casually out of the warehouse.
This story (and countless others) goes to show that the Costco Mecca of wholesale goodness is crucial in our lives. Not only did we grow up with it, but it comes through for us time and time again as parents. Plus, we have deep appreciation for the pledge to keep the hot dog and soda combo at just $1.50, even amid high inflationary periods. Can we bring ourselves to eat them? No. But we respect the willingness to keep a low-cost tradition alive for families in lieu of profit on this one food court staple. Costco and its cheap hotdogs are here to stay.
P.S. For some extra fun, watch this video to follow along on Bethany’s latest Costco haul and get some insider tricks on the best items to score!
Costco is just sensory overload for me. Also, living in a teeny tiny place, I can't overstock. But, I grew up in Newhall/Valencia, so I know that desert trek. We were practically neighbors! LOL. xo
Your Costco memories are so vivid. My youngest and I always visited together as we owned a shop. We always liked the treats at the start, nothing like a good free sample.